“How about looking a person in the eyes?” I ask. “I find it difficult to do that in bed unless I know that it isn’t just something throwaway. Or sometimes that’s my indication that it isn’t just nothing, the ability to be able to hold a gaze.”
“Even with Emmett I don’t usually look him right in the eyes,” Nina says. “I usually do it once, but I can never do it the whole time. I feel like it’s almost too intense. I’m sure there’ll be a day where I want that intensity and we’ll do it the whole time. But usually… Yeah there’s something about it. Because sex has that effect where you are not worrying about other things, you become super vulnerable. There’s something super intense about looking at someone while you’re both vulnerable, that’s really… frightening. It’s easier to do with someone you love because you are vulnerable with each other all the time. Being in love with someone is basically being vulnerable with someone all the time. But for me it’s too high risk to exchange that vulnerability with someone I am not committed to. But i feel like I can give a little bit of that away with Emmett, who I am in love with, and who I am committed to.”
“I feel a lot like I am vulnerable all the time,” I say. “Which is why I get hurt all the time.”
I’ve been meaning to blog Cara’s last EMBED with Nina Freeman for what I now realise is a whole month. This says something about life right now.
Anyway! Nina does interesting personal games, oft about sex. Her and Cara go deep into sex, love, taboo and fucking people who you meet in online games and fucking people who you meet in clubs. Read the rest here.
EMBED WITH ADRIAAN DE JONGH
I was incredibly sick this month and everything was beset with disasters. This month’s will be a little shorter, but it’s about Game Oven's Adriaan de Jongh, designer of games Fingle, Friendstrap and Bounden.
I recently resigned from my role as Associate Editor on the Official Xbox Magazine.
I had no idea what an Associate Editor was, until I was made one. One who associates freely with editors, perhaps. One with access to the editor’s restroom, where one is spritzed with editorial fragrances by a team of beautiful publisher-funded swans, who time their honking to conceal your editorly farts.
It was only when my duties and salary didn’t change, that I realised that Associate Editor, in my case at least, is what happens when your boss thinks that having a forty year old staff writer on the team is beginning to make the whole magazine look tragic1.
I’m leaving the games industry to run a pub in Nottingham, but before I leave, I wanted to get my affairs in order. And the only appropriate way to do that is with a list of apologies.
I missed it when it dropped a couple of months back, but Log’s speech on leaving games journalism is extremely funny and heartfelt. Go read.
I am now thinking of the time Log stuck an award I won down his trousers and then licked my head. Not relevant, but local colour, etc.